i honestly cannot tell you why i got the urge to move my blog over to a personal site. okay, i actually could tell you in excruciating multi paragraph detail, but the whole argument wouldn't amount to much more than "i wanna," and our time is too valuable to spend on questions with uninteresting answers; so suffice to say Welcome To The New Site and i hope this actually works out. i've heard hosting blogs on html sites is annoying, and i tend to write A Lot, so we'll see if i get myself sick of it.
(coding with html, though, is really fucking easy when you're doing what i did--that is, copy-and-pasting the entire thing--so round of applause for teppy's codes)
starting the year this sick is pretty rough--i can't get past the feeling that i'm behind, since i haven't benefited from the whole new year's productivity burst. which is silly! like i said to caz already, i'm Choosing to read this as getting all the gunk out to start the year fresh once it's done, right? it's almost a nice thing when you forget the gunk is still there.
there's a thich nhat hanh passage i read every time i'm sick: "Calming allows us to rest, and resting is a precondition for healing. When animals in the forest get wounded, they find a place to lie down, and they rest completely for many days. They don't think about food or anything else. They just rest, and they get the healing they need."
so i'm not going to be especially hard on myself for not doing much of anything these past few days. that said, there are better things to do than, yk, impulsively make a personal website??? for one, i haven't written or edited a single word in 2026 (yikes!!!!)--i have about three chapters typed up from the trip that i just need to port over and edit up. c'mon!! i'll put a lil to-do list at the end of this for the sake of public shaming.
i'm happy to have all my goals for the year set, and another thing i've been considering in these nothing days is having a sort of year "theme." i've seen a lot of people do this--they pick a word or a concept or something instead of a resolution, and go from there. i dunno if i could really get myself to focus on something like that for an entire year? so what i'm about to talk about might not carry through 2026, BUT, i think ........ this is , yet again , my koguma arakawa confidence building arc........
akane-banashi 87 lines:
what you lack is confidence. i know! i get it! easier said than done, right? you want to believe in yourself, but you can't.
even when you want to, it's very hard to change your nature. so at the very least, i want to hold my head up high and announce that the knowledge i've built up over the years is a weapon in my hands.
koguma arakawa the man that you are!!!
confidence building is the whole reason why i started putting works on submission et cetera--i won't act like this is something totally new to me at this point. but it's absolutely something i've got to push on more!!! i started this work at the tail end of last year, and now we're kicking into some typea gear!!!
one of The Changes i am COMMITTING TO (so be it, see to it!) is sending out batches of pactbound chapters to the server once in a while, and not ever letting myself do the "even if it stinks" preamble. i even think the draft is ready for this, not because it's exactly close to final, but because the plot is pretty much set in stone for the first time since the idea's conception: barring a few little logic things, i don't see myself having to go back and change actual events too much. there are still boundless edits in my future, i'm sure, but they aren't quite so developmental.
and i did send over book i, even if i immediately muted the fuckin channel--half a ball is better than no ball . ? that is what i'm going with. Anyway.
going to actually go to work tomorrow, although i sort of suspect that i'll be asking to go home by noon and taking the rest of the week off. if i worked an office job or something i probably could've gone in, but Moving Heavy Items seems to be off the agenda; and since i'm quitting in four months and they don't pay out sick leave, i may as well get all i can out of it anyway. but i should probably go in for a few hours just to See. SO here is my attempt at an actually realistic todo list for tonight: