thinking to myself,,, "if you can get a guy's contact info, you can ask to reduce your hours at work!"
i really really wanted to get through to april, but holyyy shit, i don't know that i can. the breaking point was today when in the middle of our hellish thursday morning rush i got pulled over to the phone because a clock shop client had called the store since i wasn't answering her calls on my own. and like, look, i KNOW i should be able to handle that stuff outside work hours, but,,,, I just can't!!! I can't do it!!!!
times like these are when i remember i need to kill the part of me that is protestant, because a true pure-hearted catholic would find this "dignity of labor" thing just absolutely psycho and heretical. i don't always believe in god, but when i do, it's definitely not that calvinist predestination spirit of capitalism bullshit, yk?
about equivalent to my protestant work ethic thoughts are the amount of times that this scene from parks and rec has flashed in my head:
,,,,which i get doesn't have the same sociological merit, but has honestly been just as helpful.
anyway, i'm thinking lately that if i can get to a point where i'm working 2 or 3 days a week, i actually don't need to quit my job at all for the forseeable future--literally all the issues i have with working there have to do with me being there Too Much more than anything. and the thing is, i literally don't need the money i'm making right now, even if i haven't hit the arbitrary savings number that i set in my head. the renting market.......,,is not at a point where i could ever move out of my parents' house while working the job i have anyway, and i have no need to do so anytime soon; so i am quite literally just saving money for the sake of saving it.
which, again, goes against everything i stand for! i have SAID before that the accruing of capital for its own sake is an EVIL act! it's important to have savings, of course, but stressing myself out to this point just to see a number go up when i could live more than comfortably on a third of what i'm making now.... isn't that psychotic???
and i do it out of guilt. i do it because i see so many people around me overwork themselves and i think to myself, "if they're doing it, so should i." i think: "won't they hate me if i'm not working as hard as them?"
and LITERALLY fuck that. what good does that mindset do to anyone? less than none--it does active harm, because it's a mindset that perpetuates itself! i'm more than aware of this. it's the reason that i get pissed off when my managers don't take lunch breaks or wipe up their own blood or call out sick or go home on time: because it's the duty of a person in a leadership position to model behavior for those working under them, and if you don't take care of yourself, you can't ever expect the people working for you to feel comfortable doing the same, no matter how much you tell them they ought to. (shout out to bean counter yaoi for mentioning this that one time)
it's just such "should we invite bella hadid?" behavior. i'm sick of caring about things like this. i'm angry that i'll continue to do so. but i hit my I'm Fucking Done point three weeks ago and i'm just over it. i've already been told explicitly that i should ask to reduce my hours if that's something i want to do, and i know for a Fact that doing so will make me a far better coworker and employee, so there's not even a reason to give a shit.
i've thought a lot about the exact configuration of hours i should ask for, because i do think that in a dream world, it's 2 days a week--i think i'll ask for 2 and a half starting in march, or 18-20 hours. and i WILL ask tomorrow. so help me god.!